I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
