I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
