You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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