Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
