This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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