I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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