I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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