You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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