I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How external is "for external use only"?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
