He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
