im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
