i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
