I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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