those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
