Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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