I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
