the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
