I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
