i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I could fuck to npr.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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