You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
