ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
