i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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