East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
