Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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