this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
