omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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