Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
