i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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