Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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