I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
