I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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