so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
