need another drink. this is the easiest way
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
