so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
