I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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