would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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