Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
