Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
