i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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