Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
