I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
