Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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