my mouth tastes like poor choices
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
