sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
