ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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