Jerry, you need to find god
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
