Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
