But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
