She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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