never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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